In the last couple of years, it seems I have been playing hide and seek. More and more I noticed wanting to withdraw from people and needing more space, silence and me-time. I prepared for a long time, moving from Cape Town where I have lived for over 5 years, to the Algarve, Portugal. For here to live in my van, to be in nature, and to take 'solo-time' to the next level...
It started about 3 years ago. I felt a slow but increasing feeling of being overwhelmed. To be honest, I didn't really know what to do with this feeling. I am from The Netherlands, and how I have experienced growing up there, is that being social is very important. The amount of friends you have on Facebook and who show up on your birthday is very important, and the term 'I'm just taking some time for myself' I don't believe I have heard anyone say in my child- and young-adult life..
Fortunately, I have been able to let go of this first stigma a while back now. Show up for my birthday if you like to, don't come just for me! I've also learned (well, it is still a process but I'm doing well) to not take it personally. I'm almost more battling that others take it personally when I choose for myself, haha! That brings me to the second point: taking time for myself.
Now, when being part of a community, I have found this challenging. Your close ones have expectations, which devines good relationships. Expectations that could be seen as very normal - seeing them like every week or two. Being there on birthdays, baby showers, weddings, Christmas days and you name it. But, as many of us know many people, it seems to me that we are mostly just catching up – with others.
I have lived in South Africa since 2019, and by the time I left in 2024, I knew a LOT of people. People from the time I still didn't know how much I disliked chitchat, and from the time I still thought it was nice to say hi and be open and friendly to everyone. To include all with a smile. By the time I wanted to withdraw (December 2022), I found it very challenging. I felt I was rejecting people I knew, those I had been open for the “Hey, how are you, what have you been up to, oh cool and you, okay amazing we catch up soon”-situation. People that I vaguely knew, but actually wasn't really interested in or wanted to spend my energy with. And I found myself between not wanting to be rude, but also not wanting to connect.
"I wanted to become a gypsy again and live by myself in nature"
B Y E
In those last 2 years, I was preparing myself to leave. That I was not ready yet didn't had to do with my mental or physical status, but I was building my small barefoot brand Earth Sole and I wanted to leave it behind in safe hands, before becoming a gypsy again and living by myself in nature. This took about one year longer than expected (I can tell you now, building a business is not a fast task), but then I made the move last July back to Europe.
V A N L I F E
I had a pretty oldskool Volkswagen T3 before and although it was gorgeous, it broke down a lot. This wasn't how I was seeing peace and freedom, so I decided to go for a sturdy Iveco Campervan. Together with my beloved father I renovated it and it has since then my lovely home on wheels.
People often wonder: "So, what are you actually up there in the Algarve?"
S E L F - W O R K
I found out why self-work is called self-work, and not just time for self. With the help of Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth, Silva's The Silva Mind Control Method, inspiring Vishen Lakhiani's videos like this and this one, and some homemade cannabis butter, I felt I came closer to the truth of self and life. The depth of this is a story for another time, and is probably a book worth of knowledge. It is about tapping into the incredible range of possibilities in each person's life. It is about not identifying with the mind and emotion, causing us to not be present with our true beautiful self, and the present moment. It is about feeling and path to choose, and being drawn into the direction of your life's purpose. I am very excited to share this and create a powerful meditation course that integrates my learnings, and for others to also tap into attracting a better life.
M U S I C
Besides focusing on deepening my understanding of life and self, I have also been diving more into my music. I even learned a couple of my own songs (that was about time), so I don't need to read my text when sharing my songs. I went to a couple of music jams and slowly learning how to play the keyboard with two hands. It will be a long journey ahead to master playing my favorite instrument, but where there is a will is a way. If you haven't yet, listen to some of my songs on my Spirit Song page.
H O L L A N D
To continue the hide and seek: in October I will head back to the Netherlands for a couple of months to earn some bucks and to reconnect with friends and family. It will be my first winter home since many many years, and I do not look forward to the cold and rainy days. Though, I do look forward to the pepernoten and Christmas at home, and I am grateful to have the possibility to come and go as I wish. It it luck? Is it destiny?
Y O U R P A T H
I believe we all create our own life. This might be a hard pill to swallow, and I do admit, I can not tell why some lives are incredibly thought and unfair, and others seem like a fairytale. I think it has to do with karma and your choices from your previous lives, in combination with the choices in this life.
Connect with your deeper self as much as you can. Observe your thoughts and your emotions, and do your best to not be defined and identified by them. Read and listen to my recommendations of knowledge before (as long as my book isn't out there yet, ofcourse ;) ). Be in stillness to get silence and space to get to know yourself. And then, see what drives you. Notice does your heart likes you to do. Where your energy draws you. Don't choose for fear, but choose for pure and amazing yourself.
The more you do this, the more magic will happen.
Well done on taking this journey - brave one.
In love and light
Anouk Anansi
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